Finally, we got back and I said bye and that I was going to use a phone. He said to use the phone from his classroom. When it was time to go, last minute I turned around and went up to him and all I could say was that I’d miss him very much. He said that's very sweet and put me into his arms. The world seemed beautiful in his arms. I said bye again and ran to the door before I started becoming weak again. Finally, we got back and I said bye and that I was going to use a phone. He said to use the phone from his classroom. When it was time to go, last minute I turned around and went up to him and all I could say was that I’d miss him very much. He said that's very sweet and put me into his arms. The world seemed beautiful in his arms. I said bye again and ran to the door before I started becoming weak again. This first attraction so was hard to deal with.

At first, I emailed him many times over the summer, but he didn't reply so I tried to forget him and stopped emailing. I started college and became busy. I didn't forget him, but learned how to live without him. One day my brother said one of his senior classes is very hard and he needed help. I first spoke to his counselor, who told me to talk to his teacher and gave me his number. My brother didn't tell me it's his govt. teacher. When I called I knew it was him. The memories flashed back. 

I couldn't say hello back and hung up because I was a little mad about him not replying, but I had to talk to him for my brother because no one in my family speaks English. I called back and asked him to help my brother. He said he would and wanted to talk more, but I said bye and hung up. The whole first day I couldn't stop thinking about him. I went home and emailed him. This time he emailed back and said sorry about not replying before.

It's been 3 weeks since I left. I am very depressed because last week I found out he got married and called him to congratulate him. He said our friendship will never end, that I should keep emailing him. I couldn't say anything and hung up and I am very depressed now!! I am always thinking about him and crying that why couldn't he be mine. I am feeling like someone has taken him away from me, I just don't know what to do?? Would you please help figure out what is the right thing for me to do now? Still be his friend or just stop and forget everything. I know that for sure that I can't forget him, but when I think of him being with his wife...it just kills me. I don't know what to do with this first attraction? I hope you have a conclusion to my story.... with this first attraction? I hope you have a conclusion to my story....

I’ll give you a different perspective on what you believe happened. When you first felt the attraction, you saw many traits that you admired. Your first attraction was a natural reaction, yet your emotions caused you to see things that weren’t there. You need to look back at what happened and understand your story based on facts and not on what you wished was there. 

The cultural differences added to your confusion and caused you to think that the teacher was interested in you. As a teenager in high school, it’s difficult to understand so many new feelings. When they first overwhelm you, you don’t know what to do with them or how to act. With an attraction, it’s common to idealize or make someone better than they really are in your mind. 

Since you were unable to clearly communicate your feelings, you tried the best you could to understand all the emotions you were feeling. Your teacher was concerned for you and you interpreted his concern as his liking you romantically in return.

If somebody is nice, attentive, and is willing to spend time with you, what does it really mean? Was that person just doing their job or saw that you were sad and lonely and wanted to make you feel better? You need to find out and not assume anything. In this situation, a teacher can't have a relationship with a student, even if you hoped for it. This is how you question your first attraction.

When you went to college, the dynamics changed because this man was no longer your teacher. Yet, even if there was a possible relationship, honesty was the most important part. Without it, a relationship doesn't exist. The other person knows what you think and they don't know how you feel unless you tell them. 

I can imagine you thinking: but he said this and did that. He told me he couldn’t believe I didn’t have a boyfriend and complimented me on my hair. But what does that really mean? Was he trying to make you feel better because he saw that you were insecure, or some other reason? You made an assumption about what his words and actions meant.

The next time you're first attracted to someone, tell them how you feel. If you can’t make a vague comments the other person won't know what you mean. You now know you can't assume that another person knows how you feel. That causes you to think that the other person feels more for you than what they really do. Your assumptions cloud the truth.

Your ex-teacher should take responsibility for not drawing a clear line with you. In his position, he's aware of possible of student's first attractions, especially with a minor, and can take appropriate steps to make sure it doesn’t get out of control. He misunderstood the attention you gave him. He may be too afraid even now of hurting your feelings to cut off communication, so this is a decision that you will want to make.

Look back at how you fell for this teacher and identify where you could have done things differently. You have talked to a counselor, a friend, or to anyone else to help you with this situation. How did you think that he was interested in going beyond the relationship you had in the school classroom? Where did you see what you wanted to see?